Daughter's Hair Relaxed Without Permission

Daughter’s Hair Relaxed Without Permission

Daughter's Hair Relaxed Without PermissionI originally read Relaxed Without Permission on BlackMarriedWithKids.com a few months ago. I was outraged. I would probably have to cut somebody. The ‘AUDACITY!’ Can you imagine sending your child with natural hair to relative’s and they come back with chemically treated hair. Apparently, this isn’t uncommon at all. I just wouldn’t know what to do with myself.

READ: How To Develop A Natural Hair Care Regimen for Your Daughter

Please read the excerpt below and leave a comment in the comment section.

Has this ever happened to you or your child? How did you or would you respond in this situation it?

…I’ve been told similar horror stories [of relaxing without permission]. In both situations children with natural hair were sent for short visits with relatives and were returned with relaxed hair! In the first story the mom sent her two daughters to be with their dad and stepmom for Spring Break and the stepmom put relaxers in both girls hair. In the second story parents sent their daughter with grandparents for the holidays and she was returned with hair that had been chemically relaxed.

Full Post: Relaxed Without Permission: 3 Ways to Ensure That Your Kid’s Natural Hair Stays Safe When Away From Home!

Please read the excerpt below and leave a comment in the comment section.

Has this ever happened to you or your child? How did you or would you respond in this situation it?

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32 thoughts on “Daughter’s Hair Relaxed Without Permission

  1. Lakeyshia

    Everyone does not know better. And everyone does not have the know how or patience to comb natural hair, especially if the child is tender headed. My mother used to braid my hair up for trips like that, and tell them her hair is done so you shouldn’t have to do it.

    Reply
    1. Angela

      This happened when my daughter was 4. She went to her father’s for the summer and his sister relaxed her hair. I nearly lost my mind…outrageous. Makes me upset just thinking about it. My daughter has the most beautiful hair ever, but it wasn’t straight enough for her Latina aunt. Dios, that lady…

      Reply
  2. Lunye'

    I do not have daughters but this would cause a big issue with me and the person who did this. I was given a relaxer at a very young age because my mom was a working mother and it was easier for her to deal with my hair. But I do not like when small kids have relaxers or teenagers either. Oh so glad I am not the mother…

    Reply
  3. Taneika

    Yes I sent my 11year old daughter to her father and stepmother for the summer. Without my permission the stepmother put a box relaxer in my daughter’s hair. The situation became very heated, especially since I told her on a previous visit not to put anything in my child hair. I knew who I was dealing with.

    Reply
    1. Nassiar

      I’d have 2 call the police!!! The stepmom did that to get back at you and aggravate you!!! Dad should have stood up for the relationship you two have for the welfare of your daughter! We’d have to go to court!!!!! She would have thought twice next time before crossing me and doing what she wants to my daughter!!!!!!!

      Reply
  4. Celeste Demby

    that’s super wrong and disrespectful and practically assault. I would have a serious conversation with that relative and it would be a long time before my child visited again.

    Reply
  5. Eeshmeesh

    Yes my child’s stepmom did that. I wanted to cry. It felt like I had been raped because that is my baby girl and that experience, should I have chosen to relax her hair, belongs to her mother. But what I did was curse her and the daughters dad out! It took a looong time to get all the relaxer out of her hair.

    Reply
    1. Jess

      This didn’t happen to me, but I have a sister-in law who put a relaxer in my one year old niece’s hair because it was getting too difficult for her to manage, mind you this is a biracial child with shoulder length hair and still a baby. I was so upset and she ruined by nieces hair! It is now very dry and damaged. To this day she doesn’t moisturize her hair properly despite intervention and advice from many people with experience caring for african-american hair. Her hair looks a hot mess 90% of the time and I can’t do a thing about it. I just hope she doesn’t grow up hating her hair because of what her mother did to it.

      Reply
  6. Ayane

    me and my sister always got our hair braided for trips like that, BUT if it were my child (i would allow either gender to grow out their hair naturally) i would have to hurt somebody. not because i’m mad, because relaxers are dangerous externally, internally, emotionally, and spiritually. and as a mother, hurting any of my off spring is pretty damn close to a death sentence. 🙂

    Reply
  7. dtlabelle

    My aunt relaxed my daughter’s hair when she was only four. I kept it for years because I thought her hair would fall out. Well, guess it came out anyway and she always had scalp burns. She is know 13 and has been natural since she was 10. We are learning to take care of natural hair and not trying to take the easy way out with chemicals which end up being the hard way in the end.

    Reply
  8. colalover

    My daughter has type 2c 3 a hair and low and behold, one of my creamy crack, addicted, hard headed, near retarded sisters relaxed her hair at about 6 years old! I was pretty furious! She doesn’t even have the type of hair that needs to be relaxed! A blow out would have sufficed. This is a black thing, black people never respect their relatives and their kids hair.I rarely see the Spanish side of my family just take it upon themselves to relax her hair.

    Reply
    1. Angela

      No, sista. It’s a Spanish thing, too. My daughter’s aunt is Honduran and permed my child’s hair during visitation with her dad for the summer. She ALWAYS plays in my daughters hair. I dealt with the flat ironing, but hated how the burn smell was so hard to get out of my daughters hair. But when she permed it… I was LIVID. Sometimes Spanish people take liberties, too. Disrespect has no Nationality or Color. My dad’s side is Puerto Rican and when I did my big chop my gay Spanish cousin, he – literally – cried. He told me I could borrow when of his wigs to hang out with him and when I declined.. it was OVA. Honey, I could keep going about our Latina folk… I went natural and this Dominican guy that liked me was so DISAPPOINTED and NEGATIVE, he was like I Thought you was mixed cuz your Dad looks white. I was like Nope, I got my moms Nappy gene- it was a perm with a weave in the back, sucka (I didn’t like him anyway)… chile please. Disrespect is universal.

      Reply
      1. colalover

        Lol I here ya! Had me cracking up! I guess the probkem is I might have been around my black side a lot more often. But I agree with you! Disrespect has no nationality or color. My besr friend in the Army was Dominican, and I recall going to her house with a bunch of kinky curls! Firsr thing her sisrers asked me was, “Did I need them to do my hair” lol her mom gave me a sour look,like she’d eaten something terrible. Her mom asked me, ” Why you mess up your hair?”

  9. Elle

    Sometimes it seems like we have so far to go. “Easier to manage”? Hair grows, by itself, out of your head – it doesn’t get any easier than that. If someone were to say, “I put makeup on my face everyday because it makes my face easier to manage” the eye rolls would never stop. To me the most frustrating part is that all of this work is being done to gain a shallow-type of acceptance. Black women, esp., are fighting so hard to be treated like lighter-skinned, straighter-haired women are treated and those women are treated like vapid objects whose greatest worth is their physical appearance and ability to please men. That’s the ‘power’ and ‘status’ we envy?! I wish I had to worry that I’d send my daughter to stay at her grandmother’s and she’d end up enrolled in a summer camp for young writers.

    Reply
  10. Ella

    If someone did that to my child, they would be cut off from me and her for quite some time. Point blank period. I don’t know how anyone could think it’s okay to take such liberties with another persons child. I can imagine that grandmothers and aunts are often guilty of this.

    Reply
    1. Adrienne

      I am sad and shocked to hear this. I know I would flip if someone changed the tecture or whatever of one of my childrens hair. Don’t cut, relax, or anything else unless I ask you to. I have never worried about that happening when my kids were with our family away from me. This is new to me but I would be ticked if it ever happened. I must say that I don’t agree with one of the people who replied stating this must be a black thing. I don’t think that is so either.

      Reply
  11. pat wms

    This happen to my niece her mother send her to the aunt on the father side she has been doing this for year and one day she came back home and the aunt had put a relaxer on her 8 year old hair and it really broke it off. The aunt has said before that she had started to put one on before and the mother told her that she didn’t want one on her hair, but this time she took in upon her self to do this and know the mother is the one trying to get it to grow the girl is 12 know and you know how they feel about them self at that age. The mother still let her go over there and my niece com back tell me that her aunt cut her hair this week end the woman has no respect for the mother.

    Reply
  12. nichole

    My child was very tender headed and hair was down her back in its natural curly state. She went to spend a couple of weeks with my brother and his gf over summer break. My brother’s gf was a stylist who always bragged about the length and thickness of her daughter’s hair that was relaxed. She’d never seen my daughter’s hair down because it was so long and thick, and because she HATED getting it washed, detangled, abd combed I kept it braided mostly. I got a call from the gf asking if she could wash and press my baby’s hair. I didn’t see a problem because she was a stylist and I had pressed it it before. Apparently my baby wanted her hair like the gf’s daughter. Mind you I stated when my child’s hair was in its natural curly state it came mid back, when I pressed it the length was at her but. When she came home it was straight and pind into a bow with bangs. The first thing I noticed was the cut bangs but I let it go because my baby was so happy with it. When the style started comming down I decided to come it into a low pony, thats when I saw the shoulder length hair. I asked my baby, “did she cut your hair?” She said no mommy, she said she was just trimming the ends after she permed it. I had a lot to say and do after that…it was not a pretty situation.
    I left her hair relaxed until she got old enough to make the decision to have the big chop and go back to the natural girl she is today but her texture is different now.

    Reply
  13. Toni

    My mother permed my hair at very young age and it was never the same since. I’m just now getting it back to its natural texture. I wish I had the opportunity to live my life chemical free. Also my cousin’s went to spend a year with their dad and step mom and the lady had the nerve to perm their hair. Their hair has not been the same since. Having a relaxer is just too much of a hassle! I was actually embarrassed to have permed hair. Another situation was when I let my daughter go visit her aunt and this dumb ass puts baby lotion in her hair, which left it dry and smelling disgusting! I hate this type of behavior. If I don’t ask don’t take it upon yourself to “fix” things!

    Reply
  14. Ife

    A relative did not do this to me but my mother did. When I was younger (younger than I can remember) she relaxed my hair. Sadly, the relaxer was fake so my hair started to come out in clumps. I don’t remember how my hair was but apparently it was really beautiful. I was so sad, and still am when I hear and think about that story because my hair is nothing like people describe to me how it once was and I really which it was.

    Reply
  15. Hair2Stay

    I am convinced that the people who do this are trying to start some mess. They are trying to get back at the mother. I don’t care who it is. It could be the maternal mother or sister, either way, there is a devious evil goal to jab at that mother or they have absolutely no respect at all. This is just plain common sense not to go beyond your rights with another person child. I have a niece and 3 nephew and they are all grown now, but I used to babysit them and the thought to take that level of liberty with them would have never entered my mind. I know I would not be here typing these words if I had – are you kidding me. I would love to analyze the idiotic women who does this – just pick her brain to locate where the stupid is.

    Reply
  16. Michelle

    My girls would not be allowed back with the person who would do something like this. I would try to stay calm when I explain to them that they do not have the right to chemically treat my child’s hair. I will try to keep calm when I explain to them that they have lost the right have my child visit them with out me being present. The nerve of some people.

    Reply
  17. Britnee

    That happened to me when I was younger, my grandma relaxed my hair when I was 4 and my mom is still mad (I’m 25). I hate to say it but I’m glad. I’ve tried to go natural so many times but my relaxer does make it so much easier to manage. While my grandmother did make the initial decision to relax my hair without my mother’s consent, I’m glad she did and it has been my decision to keep it up.

    Reply
  18. Jamillah

    This happened to me when I was young…about 5. I had beautiful, frizzy, randomly spiraled hair; that reached the middle of my back when pressed. On a week’s trip to visit my dad, my stepmother (a licensed hair stylist) put a relaxer in my hair. Even though her & my mother didn’t get along & was told by my mom that I will not be getting relaxers. And because of my weird hair grade it BROKE OFF!! During my school years my hair never grew past my jawline so I either kept it in the “Halle Berry cut” or sew-ins. Even though this was 20yrs ago, lets just say when my dad & stepmom ever visit me & my mom’s in the same place, my stepmom stays in the car. Now November 30th marks my 3yr natural-versary. It’s a process, and I still have moments when I want my hair straight (that’s what my protective styling wigs are for) AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!

    Reply
  19. Elise

    My ex husband did this to our daughter. Her long natural hair is now broken off and short as they put something cheap and too harsh in it. He tried to tell me he didnt relax her hair, but I am not stupid. I cut a lot of it off and am now growing it natural and have threatened to take him to court should he do that again without consulting me. The good thing that came out of this, it made me rethink my attitude about my hair (relaxer since age 7) and in solidarity with my daughter, I have gone natural-it’s been 18 months now!

    Reply
  20. E Des

    Wow, how things have changed. In the early 70s, my dad’s girlfriend took me to a local beauty shop in Brooklyn to give me the latest hairdo. Needless to say my mother was livid. But I really liked my baby “fro”.

    Reply
  21. R. Elaine

    This happened to me. Sadly, my mother didn’t care enough about my hair at the time to do much about it, but I had went to my father’s house for the weekend and his girlfriend, who frequently braided my hair, decided to put a relaxer in. It didn’t turn out well at first, because all I remember is my hair still being wavy, but not curly like it once was. At the time I had BSL and within less than two years (and many relaxers later) I was left with barely CBL. I was too young at the time to be able to go against it, but it was so upsetting. For many years my father blamed me for the change in my hair. I just find it so funny now that his gf (at the time now wife) have two kids and they refuse to relaxer either of their hair.

    Reply
  22. Angela

    I would be outraged but on the other hand people need to do their kids hair so their relatives won’t have to worry about doing the kids “a favor”
    People are slack on one end and people need to mind their business on the other

    Reply
    1. Alyvsa

      I agree and disagree with you. My mother always had to do my cousins’ hair when they visited because their mom was barely even WASHING it. However, there is also a lot of agreement as to what “done” is. For example, my mom does not think an afro is “done” and she thinks it needs to be styled. I completely disagree. If I send my child to you with an afro, that may be because I want them to have an afro. My friend’s mother cut her son’s long hair, because she thought that letting hair grow on boys isn’t being “done.” I think that the best thing is to ask and avoid the issue altogether.

      Reply

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